


Sex Tape

by DrogonTheDragon



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, Everyone is Of Age!!!, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Sex Tapes, kinda a crack fic, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrogonTheDragon/pseuds/DrogonTheDragon
Summary: Theon accidentally let it slip that he and Margaery are making a sex tape.Now everyone wants to make one.
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters, Jon Snow/Ygritte, Khal Drogo/Daenerys Targaryen, Meera Reed/Bran Stark, Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark, Shireen Baratheon/Rickon Stark, Talisa Maegyr/Robb Stark, Theon Greyjoy/Margaery Tyrell
Comments: 12
Kudos: 77





	Sex Tape

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I wrote this over three years ago and found it when I was searching through some of my abandoned fics. 
> 
> I NEVER expected that I would post this and was fully prepared to leave the document- but after reading it through, I realized that this fic was so stupid that I needed to share it. 
> 
> So I hope that some of you can enjoy this mess- or at least appreciate the sheer stupidity of it!

The Brotherhood Bar was always packed, and Friday night was no exception. All the Stark children, along with their friends and their significant others, decided to meet up for some drinks. 

Sansa and Margaery gossiped while Arya and Ygritte downed shots of Tequila. Shireen and Daenerys talked about politics and Talisa and Meera would scream intensely at the hockey game playing on the television, while the guys would create crazy drinking games for each commercial that interrupted the hockey game. 

The gang was having loads of fun, but around 1:30 am Theon and Margaery called it quits and decided to go home. 

“Marg, did Loras drop off the video camera earlier?” Theon asked with a mischievous glare in his eyes. 

“Yes love,” She bit her bottom lip as she spoke, “I already set it up.” 

“Set up what?” Sansa asked, overhearing her friend's conversation while she finished drinking her glass of wine. 

“We’re making a sex tape,” Theon stated loudly, barely containing his grin. 

All conversation stopped, and every head turned towards Theon and Margaery. 

Robb started choking on his beer and could barely get out a sentence. “You’re… you’re what?” 

“Making a sex tape. It’s a lot of fun. You lot should try it.” Theon pointed at everyone before putting his arm around Marageary’s waist and leaving The Brotherhood Bar. 

Everyone sat in uncomfortable silence. Some couples gave each other quick glances, while others kept their eyes glued on their drinks. No one seemed entirely sure what to do next. The idea of Theon making a sex tape didn’t surprise any of them, but the idea of making one themselves… 

“Well this was fun but we gotta get home,” Ygritte said, interrupting the awkward silence. “Isn’t that right Jon?” 

Jon cleared his throat and knocked over his chair as he stood up. “Yeah, that’s right. Goodnight everyone.” 

The gang quickly all disbursed after that, and The Brotherhood Bar became significantly quieter.

* * *

#### Arya and Gendry: 

“What if we make a sex tape?” Arya said as she walked through the door of her and Gendry’s apartment. “It could be fun.”

“But what if someone found it, Arry? I don’t want anyone to get off while watching you.” Gendry complained

“Who’s going to see it?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe a robber… or one of our many friends who have no boundaries and go through our things!” Gendry said as he thought about the time when he found Lem and Anguy snooping around all the drawers in their apartment. 

“Well, we'll just have to hide it somewhere no one can find it. And if someone is clever enough to find it, then I'll kick their ass.” 

Gendry shook his head and sat down on the couch, turning on the tv. “I just don't think it's a good idea.” 

Arya stood in front of him, blocking his view of the television. “It's a great idea! We've got a camera, I can set it up…” She gave Gendry the most mischievous grin she could muster. Already she could see the gears turning in Gendry's head. 

“I don't kn-” 

Arya wasn't going to take no for an answer. She bent forward, crashed her lips down on his, and began straddling his lap with her legs. 

“You know you can't always use sex to get what you want,” Gendry said breaking apart from her lips. 

“Why not? It always works for me.” She leaned in to kiss him again, but he pulled away. “What?”

He let out a large sigh before speaking. “I can't believe I'm saying this, but fine. Let's make a sex tape.” 

“Thank you! I'll set up the camera!” And just like that, Arya disappeared down the hallway. After five minutes went by, Gendry could hear her calling for him. 

Their bedroom looked the same. A pile of dirty clothes on the floor, an unmade bed, and Arya's fencing sword along with Gendry's replica Warhammer resting on their shared dresser. The only thing that looked different was the video camera sitting on a large tripod in front of their bed. 

Gendry stared at the video camera. “Why did I agree to this again?” Arya walked over to him and kissed him deeply. “Oh yeah. That's why.” Arya slowly led him to their bed. “I'll be on top,” Gendry said. 

Arya stared up at him dumbfounded. “Um no, you won't. I'll be on top.” 

“No that's okay. I can be on top.” 

“I want to be on top.” 

“Well so do I.” 

“Gendry, we can't both be on top.”

“Why can't I be on top? I didn't even want to make this stupid sex tape in the first place!” 

“But I want to be on top.” 

“You are extremely stubborn Milady.” 

“As are you Bull.”

* * *

#### Jon and Ygritte: 

“I wanna make one.” 

Jon sighed, rubbing a hand over the side of his face. “I don’t know,” 

“Why not?”

“I feel like it would take me out of the moment. Like I wouldn’t perform well with the added pressure.” 

Ygritte leaned forward and placed a light, closed-mouth kiss against Jon’s lips. “If you don’t like it we can always turn off the video. Let’s just try it for a few minutes. 

It took Jon a couple of moments to contemplate his answer before nodding twice. “Alright, fine. Let’s do it.” 

In the end, Jon’s shaky nerves and awkward movements soon faded away once Ygritte revealed her normal, wild self in the bedroom. The video camera five feet away from their bodies completely faded to the back of his mind. The only coherent thought left swimming in his mind is _Ygritte_.

* * *

#### Sansa and Sandor: 

“I am not making a bloody sex tape!” 

“Come on Sandor! Why not?” Sansa argued with her boyfriend of three years. 

“That’s not the type of thing that you should put on a film.” 

Sansa argued her eyebrow. “Really? And are you saying that you have never seen a film that had a graphic sex scene?” Sandor wouldn’t meet her eyes. “That’s what I thought!” She accused. 

“Watching porn is different than filming a sex tape. When you watch porn you see people who you don’t know having sex. When you watch a sex tape, you see what you look like having sex. I am not doing that.” 

“Well, I'm making a sex tape whether you want to or not.” 

Before Sandor could ask what she meant, Sansa had turned around and walked into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. 

Sandor was in the middle of watching the hockey game from the bar on his television when all of a sudden he heard moaning coming from the bedroom. The noises were muffled from the thick walls but he knew that that was his girlfriend's plan. He got off the couch and started walking towards the bedroom. When he opened the door he saw a video recorder standing on a tripod at the foot of the bed. He also saw Sansa, completely naked, her head thrown back and her legs opened wide as she pleasured herself. 

“Sandor” she moaned before lifting her head to look at him standing in the doorway. She gave him a devious smirk before continuing to touch herself. 

Sandor felt a twitch in his cock looking at his girlfriend. He knew, deep down, that he really didn't want to make a sex tape. But staring at Sansa, he couldn't remember why. He quickly undressed and joined her on the bed.

* * *

#### Robb and Talisa: 

“You’re very quiet.” 

“I’m just thinking,” Talisa said as she looked out the car window. “Do you think everyone is going to film a sex tape now?” 

“I hope not. My little sisters were out with us tonight.” Robb said without looking away from the road. 

“I wasn’t expecting Theon to tell us what he and Margaery plans were for tonight.” 

“What the hell is wrong with him?! Why would he think that any of us want to know that he is making a sex tape? I could have happily lived the rest of my life without knowing.” Robb smiled at the small laugh that escaped Talisa’s lips. 

“Do you want to make one?”

Robbs grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Do you?” 

“I would be alright with trying it once.” 

“Then let’s do it. But it has to be perfect.” 

When they got home, Robb asked Talisa to set up the camera and before they could record it, Robb told Talisa to wait in the kitchen for a few minutes. She was in the middle of reading an article from the Newspaper about how local construction to fix a water pipe resulted in thousands of dollars in damages to the town. When Robb called for her, telling her that she could come into their bedroom, she set down the paper and walked through various hallways toward their bedroom. 

When she walked into the bedroom, she couldn’t believe her eyes. Decorating the bed and the floor were red rose petals. Several burning candles rested on their dresser, her vanity, and the wooden nightstands on either side of the bed. 

“Where did you get the rose petals?” Talisa asked as she looked at her sweet husband, who always seemed to surprise her with his endless romantic gestures. 

“I took some from the garden.” He admitted a little timidly. 

“I love it.” 

“You’re worth it,” Robb said without hesitation. 

Immediately, Talisa surged forward and grabbed Robb by the fabric of his olive green shirt. Their mouths found each other and refused to separate as they disregarded each other's clothing, completely forgetting that they were filming themselves, too occupied with pleasing each other.

* * *

####  Dany and Drogo: 

“You’re mad, Drogo.” 

“What’s the harm? When we lived on the beach we would have sex under the stars all the time!” Drogo was setting up a tripod in the sand. 

“Yes, but that was when we owned the beach. If we get caught here, then we’ll get arrested for public indecency.” Dany insisted, looking up towards the pier and checking to see if anyone was walking (or patroling) nearby. 

“Dany, I’m the Mayor. Can they really arrest me?” 

“Yes, they can.” 

Drogo finished setting up the camera and sauntered over towards her, placing a gentle hand under her jaw and tilting her head higher so she can look him in the eye. “You look so beautiful in the moonlight.” Using his other hand, he pushed a few strands of her silver hair behind her ear. 

“We could still get arrested for this.” Dany pointed out. However this time, her voice held no bite. Leaning forward on her toes, she placed a light kiss against his lips. 

“Maybe. But we would be getting arrested for doing the most natural thing in the world, surrounded by nature herself. I’d like to see anyone try and stop us.” 

Dany missed making love by the ocean. She missed the faint mist from the ocean spray at their backs and missed the hard, ever-moving bed of sand they’d lay upon. 

When they were finished and the camera had shut off, they laid on their towel in a tangle of limbs, grateful that they hadn’t been caught, and grateful that Theon opened his stupid mouth and gave them this idea.

* * *

#### Rickon and Shireen: 

“I mean, we could have sex. But I don’t want to film it.” 

Rickon halted his movements in searching for their camera and turned towards Shireen. “Why not?” 

“What if someone sees it? Someone could find it and use it as blackmail- I’ve seen enough detective shows to know that that does happen!” 

“Shireen, the likelihood of that happening is so fucking small. And besides, we have nothing to be ashamed of. 

“You might not have anything to lose, but if I found out that someone saw it- then I will die. Literally. Right there on the spot.” 

Ricken chuckled, rubbing his hands soothingly up and down Shireen’s arms. “If it would make you feel better, we can keep the tape in a safety deposit box at the bank.” 

Shireen thought for a moment about all the ways she could say ‘no’ when an idea popped into her mind. “Alright.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. And the camera is in a different cabinet than the one you’re looking in.” Rickon had a small pout of his face when he turned back to the cabinet he recently had his head stuck in. “It’s fine. I’ll grab it and set it up.” 

“You’re a godsend, Shireen Baratheon.” 

“And you’re a silly, stubborn man, Rickon Stark.” 

He placed a quick kiss against her lips as she left to recover the camera. 

And right before they started, Rickon winked, giving the camera a thumbs-up, completely oblivious to the fact that the red light to indicate that it was filming was not on, and the camera has been dead for the past two months. 

Shireen thought she would keep that as her little secret.

* * *

#### Meera and Bran: 

“Can you believe that Theon and Margaery are making a sex tape?” Meera asked Bran in the car ride home. 

“Yeah,” Bran shrugged, “but I’d prefer not to think about it.” 

“Can you imagine filming a sex tape?” 

“That'd be so weird. I’d feel like I was watching a documentary from Animal Planet.” Bran admitted. 

“Yeah, I really hate how a bunch of those documentaries include footage of animals mating.” Meera agreed. 

“I wonder how much money those people get paid for narrating those.” 

Meera’s brown eyes shot open. “Bran!” She yelled, surprising him enough to swerve the car. “We should film a sex tape and then narrate it like those people in the documentaries!” 

“Oh my God, Merra,” As much as Bran thought that was a weird idea, he couldn’t help but laugh. Even though he wanted to disagree, the idea of narrating the video like an animal planet documentary sounded too fun to pass up. 

“And here we have two native northern homo sapiens. If you look at the way they are circling around each other naked, this means that they have begun their mating ritual.” Meera said in a deep voice, her and Bran laughing uncontrollably. 

“That’s brilliant!” Bran praised. “Okay, now we have to do that.” 

And once they got home and finished filming, they stayed up for another hour coming up with funny lines to add to the video.

* * *

#### Theon and Margaery: 

“So babe how should we make this tape? Wild monkey sex or roleplay?” Theon asked as he turned on the video camera. 

“Wild monkey sex!”

“Great. Let’s do it!” 

And do it, they did.

* * *

#### Arya and Gendry: 

The next day Gendry came home after work and found Arya sitting on the couch watching their sex tape from the night before. 

“You know,” Arya called out to him, “you can’t even tell that the whole time we are wrestling to be on top.” 

“Really? I thought it would be super obvious” 

“Not really, we are just rolling around a lot.” 

Gendry walked up behind her slowly began kissing the back of her neck. “If you really want to, we can make a new tape with you on top.” 

“Thank God!” Arya jumped off the couch, grabbed the camera in one hand and Gendry in the other, and dragged him into their bedroom.


End file.
